Projects of Love and Projection.
I don't know how to parent my growing daughter. That becomes more clear to me every day.
Each day I realize ever more that I sincerely hope I will not project my own failures, my own fears, my own shortcomings onto her. What I hope for her above all else is that she will be confident. That she will do the things she wants to - regardless of how hard, how unsurmountable they seem - because her parents will be here to support and love her always.
That we can teach her to be strong. To do what she's afraid to do. That fear of failure is natural, and she can do scary things.
I don't want her to hold herself back because she's worried about what others will think of her.
As these, and many more, realizations come to the foreground of my thoughts instead of the background intentions - it also becomes clear to me that modeling these myself teaches more than just telling her these things.
Not wanting her to "be like me" requires me to look harshly at myself and either accept myself or change in me what I hope will grow naturally in her.
I long for her to love herself. To continue to march to the beat of her own stubborn drum. I hope she knows that being strong doesn't mean she cannot feel. I hope for her to know she doesn't need a boy to feel and truly know she is so loved. I hope she knows that she can always tell me anything. I hope I can continue to press through my own fears of failure, my own lack of confidence, and maybe she will rise above me.
To be as fierce as I know she is. Not beaten down by the harshness of the world and the expectations of society. To be loving and caring, and yet not feel guilty for choosing herself too.
You are so loved.