10 years and onward.

Yesterday was my husbands and my 10th anniversary. 

we still like each other. 

And just like every parent tells other parents about how quickly babies grow - the last 10 years have similarly gone by so fast - and so slow (hello the 3 years of back-to-college). But hindsight says "oh my gosh, where have the years gone?!" 

It snuck up on me. Not to mean I forgot what year it was. Obviously I've been fully aware of it being year 10. But the busy that we always live seems to drown out the little moments I'd love to stop and truly celebrate sometimes. 

This year I dreamt up so many plans. This year every one of them has not panned out - except my hail-mary of a breakfast place we found (seriously, it rocked! Gravy in Portland). 

These couple days I have found myself feeling emotions I'd rather not. Not of nostalgia but of the moment, the day, having slipped away from me. 

Our daughter and I spent the day exploring cute shops, and just being together while waiting for our 3rd and favorite person to join our company - typical of our anniversaries. We popped into a coffeeshop, to enjoy cool beverages. I took a moment to relax and process. Sort myself out, I was feeling weepy and robbed - but without the words to why. 

As I sat and spent a few minutes with a pen and paper I found a piece of me that hadn't come to a conscious surface. 

I've been looking forward to our 10th anniversary since the day we married. Looking forward to the life we'd live together and the adventures we'd go on. Curious about where we'd end up together. What 10 years later would look like. What would happen in our lives - no specific plans and goals - just excitement to do life with him. 

Our first Anniversary - I was pregnant for the 2nd time in those short 12 months. Our first year of marriage was hit with a lot. Babies were in our 5 year plans, not 1 year plans. ;) The loss of our twins was hard for me to process - I was completely unprepared on any side of that coin. The second pregnancy that brought us our one and only daughter - it was all a 'trial by fire' to what would lead to our 10th. 

Literally high school sweethearts, we've grown up together. We've gone from teenagers wading through our perceptions of the world - and on through  loss, growth, countless jobs, times of plenty and times of nothing. Though we are young we've seen plenty of "sickness + health" (and the bills to show for it.) and everything else in between.  ;) 

He is the iron to my iron will. We push and pull, fight and learn and grow. He has taught me how to keep an open mind and heart. He has taught me how to take critique from anyone to ingest and digest it. Not blindly, but sorting through and keeping the things that apply - throwing the things out that don't. Always desiring to become better versions of ourselves. Not abandoning who we are, but always growing forward. 

Neither of us are the same person we married - and we are so much better for it, and wouldn't want it any other way. 

While I had so desired to get away from town - to relax and chill, just the 2 of us, not rushed, not hurried - no agenda, for the 1st time in our 10 married years... it didn't work out. The life we built together kept us here, working and living and carrying on as always. Yesterday I found myself frustrated by that. I wanted to enjoy 'us.' I wanted to truly celebrate, savor the day. Years ago I thought on our 10th we'd take a real vacation where we could just exist in the now - go out to fancy dinner, dress up and revel at how our lives have been together. 

But you know, yesterday *was* our life together.

I took him to work, where he is pushing for his team to perform and accomplish their best. Instead of lunch with me - he did lunch with a coworker who is having a hard time right now, which is exactly the type of thing that makes my heart happy. I spent the day with our daughter, teaching, playing, experiencing + talking together. Eventually we wound up with an atypically late dinner - I brought pizza home at 9:30pm, we played a card game, watched a crappy movie, regretted both eating so late in the evening and how late it was when the movie ended and passed straight out to do life again today. 

This IS our life, and we're still hanging together, we know that it's "just a date" and while it's important to celebrate the moments, there isn't cookie cutter, and we do grab little things and moments when they come to us - because we know how quickly and fluidly life changes and the curve balls always happen unexpectedly - 'what's next' isn't how we live, but we do know that life is always subject to change our paths. 

I'm so content to be following our winding road of life with him, still hanging out, grabbing breakfasts and all the coffee all the time. Tying so hard to be his Car-buddy in the absence of his dad 6.5 hours away. He pushes me to betterness always challenging me to get out of my comfort zones and wants to see me succeed. He also pushes himself to betterness in everything.

Our 10 years has seen so much it's impossible to recount. Here's to all the years forward,  going with the flow that life brings to us, carving paths together - hoping life flows toward them sometimes - and being the team we are as long as God gives us on earth. 

Funny sort-of side-note: This day was a clear beginning to my unplanned career as a Photographer. More on that to come. <3