Last fall I jumped in to training for - who knows what it was now - and trained too hard too fast.

Classic runner "I CAN DO ANYTHING" move.

Of course because brains are a fickle thing I am sure mine thought "I ran a 1/2 marathon a couple months ago I'll be fine!" .... that turned into a stress fracture which spiraled into 6 months of barely off and on running.

Bitter at my loss of the hard attained 'fitness' I spiraled into a lot of nothingness.

Health-wise it's obviously in my benefit to DO SOMETHING, anything. It improves my mood, my blood sugars, obviously overall health. But no, I'd rather sit here with a bowl of ice cream (no joke) or eat an entire box of sugary cereal (also no joke).

Pulling myself out one very hard run at a time successfully training but more purposeful has still found me again on the doorstep of weird lower leg pain - and fighting against my own brain of "what's the point!?" despair.

Trying to keep up and out of my headspace I've been taking to the trails around Portland. Finding what new ones I can. A softer running surface is fantastic - bonus points that it gets me out in nature and I am a person who **needs** and craves that.

The other day I stumbled upon this magnificent one. A short couple mile loop, but very few hills - which is significant because the hills are real around here and everywhere. It was a little slice of heaven.

I think everyone fights against their own self, their brains getting the better of them. Over thinking or falling into defeat. I started out this new training this late summer very Intentionally. I had a plan, a schedule. I started doing Yoga, I even found massages --> as I know my lower legs are always a huge problem area for me I intentionally went about doing things different than previous training regiments. If you always do the same things you will never get different results.

As the same problems have reared their heads mid-training I've been struggling fighting the defeat feelings welling up inside me.

I just want to run.

Allowing frustration to creep in as it seems my body betrays me again and again, when all I want to do is enjoy a simple sport. I love it, my blood sugars love it, my brain loves it, my body overall loves it --> but the mind creeps in "if it's not my lower legs its my knees, if not that it's my hips, if it's not that my blood sugar is too low, or too high, or I have stomach problems or......"

This is probably true for most of us. We fight to do what we love. It doesn't all come easy, in fact I find that most of what we love is hard. It's fought for. Even if just against our own selves. I epitomize the saying "I am my own worst enemy."

I've altered my training schedule a number of times so far this year - and have altered it yet again.

Maintaining flexibility in what I like to have be a rigid plan is hard work. As hard as running 13.1 miles. ;)

It's all a journey, though, right?

flexibility in rigidity