Changing Seasons

My daughter has been in school for a month now. After staying home with her for 8.75 years it's been a serious mental and emotional adjustment for me. Schooling her, doing *everything* with her all day every day. 

Having been so used to doing everything with her, and everything by myself the thought of asking people - especially now that I am fortunate enough to have solid friendships where I live - asking for help out didn't occur to me readily. 

Finding myself going through a similar transition to what I went through when she was born. Going from working full-time clear up until she was born to being full-time stay-at-home-mom. I remember the tears and despair thinking "my life is over!" "what do I do now!?" 

Happily I can say that I am neither despairing or thinking my life is over. ;) But, even while being a full time stay at home mom - I've also always worked in some fashion. My workload right now is not what I'd love it to be, so i've been struggling with feelings of being lost. Who am I? What am I doing? What's my roll now? My child is getting fulfilled, my husband is doing a fulfilling job and I support him as best as I can. But am I fulfilled? What does that even look like? 

Our new pace of life is taking some getting used to. Drop off and Pickups from school, Kenny also gets a ride in to work from me - so I spend a good portion of the day driving. I love to be needed, useful and busy for my family - but the new normal is taking some time to settle in to. 

So I run. Refocusing, recharging, finding some space to enjoy things I've not had the mental capacity for. Becoming a parent young has me finding the joy in "self-care" rather late, but it's been good for my soul. 

Focusing on photography for my pleasure. Hiking with my baby - and bringing my camera wherever I please. 

I'm a doer, a giver, it brings me joy and fills my heart abundantly when I am able to do + give of time, an ear, --> anything that someone in my world needs or wants. But I also frequently do so much that I don't stop to recharge. My bucket that I dip out of runs dry - and I keep scraping the bottom trying to pull out more of what isn't there. Trying to look at this time, this season, as re-fill season. A time to be okay with taking care of me. My heart, my mind, my creative side, what my new school-mom roll looks like... just being and being okay.